HILARIOUS PICTURES | Funny archive featuring hilarious pictures and top humor sites.

Hilarious Jokes

Escaped Convict An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on ... 1 2 3 4 5	Life Rules! 1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. 3. There may be no 'I' in team, but ... 1 2 3 4 5
Wise Cooking Advice This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven't seen listed in any cookbooks. While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, ... 1 2 3 4 5	Words And Their Meanings THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally ... 1 2 3 4 5
Cats And Teenagers For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads ... 1 2 3 4 5	Flowers When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout counter. During one trip, some women in line behind me ... 1 2 3 4 5
Ice Cream Flavor Galore A January 1994 Reuters News Service story on Manuel Oliveira's ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela, reported on his 567 flavors, including onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, spaghetti parmesan, ... 1 2 3 4 5	A Drunk Irisihman Falls O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please, God," he ... 1 2 3 4 5
Hotel Bill My friend and his wife stayed in a hotel and got a bill for ninety bucks. He screamed, "Ninety dollars?, for what?" The desk clerk said, "For room and board sir." My friend said, "Room and board? ... 1 2 3 4 5	The Resume Bloopers These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine: 1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 ... 1 2 3 4 5
Cops And Robbers Esther Cohen was the mother of three, very active small boys. One summer evening she was playing cops and robbers with them in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother ... 1 2 3 4 5	How Long An Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, "How long has your present employer been in business?" He thought for a moment, then ... 1 2 3 4 5
Simplified Chinese For most of us, Chinese is a very difficult language to learn or understand. Hopefully, these simplifications will help you understand the Chinese language just a bit better! Ai Bang Mai Ne - ... 1 2 3 4 5	Santa Present A little girl goes to visit Santa at the Mall. When it is her turn she sits on his lap and Santa says "Have you been good?" Little Girl, "Yes, Santa, very good." Santa, "What would you ... 1 2 3 4 5
Hide The Duke A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who ... 1 2 3 4 5	Impossible To Please A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The ... 1 2 3 4 5
Scottish Santa A Scottish Santa, on duty at the local department store, was dressed in the kilt. He was, of course dressed in 'Regimental Fashion' (nothing under it). A young boy, on approaching the venerable ... 1 2 3 4 5	Going To Jesus Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has ... 1 2 3 4 5
A Guide To Life... 1. Old people always have exact change. 2. Do not trust a man who calls the bathroom "the little boys room." 3. Women who sound sexy on the radio weigh 377 pounds. 4. Sitcom ... 1 2 3 4 5	Good Point One morning, my son asked me: "Why are you making Mommy breakfast? Is she sick?" "No dear," I replied, "It's Mother's Day." "Oh," said my son, "then is every other day Father's Day?" ... 1 2 3 4 5
The Animal's Warning A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?" The ... 1 2 3 4 5	Your Father Is Drunk To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I'm tellin' you why, Daddy's home and I think he's drunk. He's ... 1 2 3 4 5
Lost Glass Eye A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he ... 1 2 3 4 5	Pet Truths Some self-evident truths about pets... Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. Although cats are rather ... 1 2 3 4 5

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